In the time measured by childhood thoughts, aspirations and dreams,
you were always ahead.
I didn't mind being behind, though. I was content in the middle, taking the slow pace. As you and it begin to take place, I inched down towards inadequateness.
Three steps behind, I watched in resentment. I will always have that image of you, in my head. That image of you , your head slightly turned towards me and raising your hand to say "come with me" But I stood still, time stood still, for me. But you had moved on.
I turned around, and I felt like I was sinking deeper into that hole. And I gave in, letting self confidence sink deeper then me into that opening.
Years and years passed, and I looked towards that light, but never found my way out. I hid behind those volumes of beautiful words, or... your shadow. You stood so tall, and admired, but your glances never went my way, anymore.
I peeked beyond my safety net sometimes, to see, to hope. But you never seemed to care.

So one day, they sat down. They taught me about you and all your ways that you had moved on ahead of me. And they told me I could use it for power. They told me I could change the way things were for me with it. And then they walked away like they were never there. And you just looked on, not even meeting my eyes. Looking on with pity, like I was not worth your glance, but you were doing me some favor.

So I learned how to use that power, to change things between them and I. Between every single aquiantence I met in that hall, between things that had always scared me about them. But I endured that fear, because I wanted to meet where you were and had been for so long, before me.

But baby, i'm still hiding behind those books, behind my hair. Behind those words, behind my shame, behind my inadequateness, behind my fear, behind... myself.
And you still haven't cared enough to even take a glance my way, to see if I was caught up.