Thursday, November 23, 2006

We'll meet and say hello and greet eachother like we havent seen eachother in ages. We haven't, since...

You'll say I look good, and we''ll sit down at that counter where our reflection shines through its surface. I'll ask how work is going, and if that novel ever got anywhere near done.
You'll say "I'm looking for something better, and... no"
And i'll nod and look out the window and lose myself in thoughts that replace dreams because dreams seem to unrealistic these days to even greet upon.

You'll ask "How are you doing since... then? Are you holding up okay?"
I will look past your eyes to free from guilt and say "Yes, things have been going really good."
You'll look down at the floor and wipe your hands on your napkin. And i'll dab at my lipstick, wishing to erase and throw around time in order for it to be something like those thoughts that replace dreams.

We're both thinking the same thing.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Sometimes I feel like a whole lifetime has passed while I have been here. I think like days like this where I go to do my laundry and go to the post office to mail off a package for my family (Which apparently costs more then the contents of the box are worth) that I never lived anyplace else. It was weird to think, before I got here, of anything else then there but now this place feels like home and i've fallen into the routine. Its funny because now that I'vé got on a plane and lived here for two months on my own, that i can do anything, now. It just feels natural to be independant, like this state of mind always existed.
Being surronded by beauty like this leaves you to forget the bad situations that are going on in your life. I feel like alot of those run-ins have happened, but I feel more at peace with it all, and I don't understand... that. I don't think I have to, and thats espescially hard to accept, since i've gone through life thinking that I have to have the awnsers to everything that involves my future.
Im sitting in Kind Coffee with Leah right now, looking out the window at the passing cars and how dark it is at 5:06. Im listening to Keane "Bad Dream" and with a chai, and these moments you remember why your living, and not just surviving.
Im doing more of this living thing, these days.

Friday, November 03, 2006

I must now explain to you this darkness, because I don't think you understand.

It sweeps over you and its the kind that dosen't give you a choice. Because, friend, I would have picked my way out of this destruction if I had something like a decision, there, in my hands.
It comes about on the longest season, and leads it to be even more unbearable then possible be.
Closing your eyes and escaping to a world that is only accomplished by a couple of chords and alot of noise sometimes help, but no matter how far you run you just don't.... escape.
And well, Im sick of it. Because I have been doing alot of running lately.