Greetings from Maui!

Happy New Years!

I'm happy I chose you!

Mhm... a bright and sunny Saturday morning. A peppermint tea misto. The smell of pine, reminding me of the holiday season. The promise of a day off. Two days off, even.
I've learned to appreciate the little things.

PEEK at what I just purchased on Bluefly.

Recently, a co-worker of mine was going around and asking (out of interest, although it seemed strange at the time), "What are the reasons you rejoice?"

I decided to take some time (since I am stuck in my bed anyway) to write down all the reasons why I think life is worth living;

-blue skies - the colors of fall leaves - a brand new song, one that gives you shivers about the past - a good book - the perfect new dress -4:30pm on a Friday -a laugh with a friend -Starbucks in the morning -a vacation -a piece of art that sticks in your head -that feeling you get when your riding down the mountain -the way the sun turns our body brown and our minds at ease in summertime -a good purchase -a pint of Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia -a old movie -

(more to come...)

Brooke. likes lazy days with you.

My New Toy:

This was my team for Run for a Cure, minus Brennan. We ran on Sunday, and despite the cold, it was a really great experience and you will see me out there next year. Fundraising total: TBA.

Life is a gift like fresh cut roses

Cut from the branch and brought inside

It's a slow contradiction, it's beauty in a vase

When our cords are cut that's when we start to die

I'm not holding on too tight. Or maybe I am, and its slipping. Consider my life lately a roller coaster going down on the track and never stopping.

Checkit.

In Love
(click!)

saturday: take out the old, not in with any new. learn how to use my Canon, finally. drop jills shit off. dance my night off with alex at pike. learn how to be less lonely.

photocred: Joy Newell

"It's like over the top amazing and then utterly dissatisfying."

Why am I so alone?

Let me out; I want to live somebody elses life. One without you in it.

This will always be my home. 

No twitter, or tumbir, or livejournal. They are just not for me. 

Do what you feel. Do what you want. Just how you like. 

Don't expect much from anybody. The only person that's watching out for you, is you. 

No matter what they say. How matter how it feels. 

You might say I am selfish. Im just looking for clarity. 

I wish you understand that opportunities and people don't come into our lives when its convenient, or when we're ready. And that life is raw, and we have to grab the things we want and hold them will all our might so they don't slip away. 

And fate, well, I thought you were the one wanting to be realistic. Fight for the things that are important. 

Or Don't look around your life in five years and expect to feel fufilled. 

oh, hello 

I can't help but search for myself in all this bluriness; in all the lights, the colors, but all the darkness that lies ahead.
Shivers down my spine.
I wish you didn't exist. So everytime I hear your name, or see your face I wouldn't long for the way it was. This is the definition of betrayal, on your part. I know nothing but anger now. I don't remember the way it was, before. When I was of worth, without something behind my name.
I want you to disappear.
I want to... disappear.

I've been wondering... How do I know you know that its real? That this is not a waste of our time, that this is not a waste of my love. 

I've been wondering... How do you sacrifice your dreams for love if its not promised? 

I've been wondering... How life would be without you. In Montreal. In a bachelor suite, my morning coffee and newspaper. My afternoon meeting. My evening walk. 

I've been wondering... What does the world look like... from Sydney, from New York City, from Paris. From the window of that bachelor suite in Montreal. From anywhere but here. 

I've been wondering... if I ever will trust you.

I've been wandering these streets, skipping the puddles, with head down, wondering. 

I don't focus on happiness enough. Why don't we feel the need to tell that things are looking up? (Espescially after yesterday) 

Dustin took me for a lunch date to PicNics randomly and we walked among puddles of the snow that is finally melting. It's finally coming...

Spring; to come into being, rise, or arise within a short time. 

The sun is beginning to shine and I feel the dark. Utter loneliness behind my tired eyes. I feel the wind, hard on my face. Betrayal, crawling up my spine. The consequences in trying too hard. The consequence in pretending everything is fine. 

Oh, it's just tonight. 

... right? 

What You've Missed;

A butterfly followed me to school todays. Past the College Dr. traffic, past the two men in business suits on the corner by the Funeral homes, even past the city worker putting a parking ticket off a red car that was parked in front of one of the many towering office buildings downtown. 

Seaside Journal

I don't reach out for him. I don't desire the burning touch on my skin to complete me. I am something without him. Someone elses desire for that burning touch. I am worlds away and I don't see him. Maybe I am not in the world at all. This is not real. When I open my eyes, a million colors covering my nose, body, down to my toes. Have I forgotten? Or is it that I never wanted you in the first place. 

The sun has tattooed our skin to the color of a wild horses mane, the color of Brazllian coffee beans they boast. Somos seguros aqui, with our rose colored noses, our eyes painted the vibrant of blues, like the ocean and the sky we st

are up for answers. We are safe here. 

I can't stand his touch, his smell, or his lies. Gone with the wind, the birds, the world only you and I know. 

How, in such a world, can a human say "I love you" and not care to write those words that the other one needs for survival, on paper. How long the distance, the time has past.