We push and pull and I pull harder but I don't think you know.

I realize that its not fair that I always pull more to what I want, but I don't know if thats what you want, and im scared so I...


I basically just screamed it all out loud.

I reached out the other day for a hand but I didn't get the touch that I wanted. I believe that sometimes that is disguised by something else that is not you so that you don't have to feel it anymore, because I know it was hard.
You still don't get why I called an end to anything, but i am okay with it, because when I look at the way the lights glow along that path, and the way the pink seems to catch the water when im running away from life and things that I wish would never happen, but don't seem to do anything about, I remember that we exist only in a world that is of a black sky and a pretty scene, and that only could take place on that month, at that time when all was blurry to me anyways,
but no one ever knew that except you.

the blacks and the blues and espescially the oranges have faded, but I get the glimpse when the word is moving faster then it should and I am pulling on every inch of myself to get somewhere that the path that every one else is one is.

I forget what im talking about.

sometimes you lose who you are in something that you think you really should be, without striving, without reaching, without stretching, but you are there and you realize it and you don't know where to go because you don't remember how you got there and then you miss it,
home,
more then before and sometimes it hurts and other times you forget that it does and its better then you ever expected it to be.
but thats when you forget.

oh, im sorry,
i really did.

the light in these places seems to break into million of pieces and you try to look for them even though all you seem to hear are distinct and constant sounds and they seem to stick in your head and stay there even when its finally quiet. its quiet now and they seem to be louder then they've ever been.
and I feel alone more then ever, and so do the strangers downstairs in the bar and they look and they're open and i still don't feel any different. i sit and the window and try to block out the noises with the same remedy i always used. but that remedy never worked, and I'm positive its not going anywhere.

So think of me sometime when im blocking out the noises with other ones, and when im trying to find the pieces of the light and piece them back together.