Could the winter calm come twice?
Because your heart seems so cold tonight
Thirst for substance somehow isn't right
It's killing me inside (It's killing you inside)
Killing me inside
I don't wanna be where you are, I don't wanna be here even now. I don't wanna be by your side, If something isn't right... If something isn't right.
I don't want to be by anybodys side. Not todays.
Right now, right then I just want to go to sleep and not come back. For a while.
I think its real easy to stereotype these words as suicial and/or depressing thoughts, but I am speaking clearly and they are not.
Sometimes... I just need to be alone. And that alone not being in my room at home, not being on a walk by myself. Being alone in another world.
Sometimes thoughts of something are just overpowering. All situations have consquences. Whether those consquences being physical or mental.
Mine are mental. My minds on overdrive. Clearly.
And that really has nothing to do with... anything.
I wish we could push aside thoughts and deal with them when we had time to.
A new semester equals Biology30. Which is death. To Me. I just finished our first bio class, and it is pretty clear to me that Im not going to survive. Tests every two weeks, quizzes daily involving a whole new vocabulary of terms each day. Two huge assignments involving things that I really have no interest with. Why? I honestly should be taking physch30, but I didn't get on the ball with that one. I shouldn't be redoing my a30 course, I should be taking a language. I wish I thought ahead... more.
sigh. I feel I have a common topic on these blog entries- the future. I am looking to enhance it... I guess. AS pathetic as I am. Im not that optimistic about it right now. It just... scares me. right now. right now at 2:34 pm, in the school computer lab.
Right now I kind of scare me. Right now I realize how antisocial I have become. And not become. Hm.
I think this has been the longest entry I have ever written here at school. I blame it because of the privacy. But really... anywhere... I don't feel like I have enough. Im hiding within myself. I know that. But i have nothing to say to it. Is just the way it.is. I'm not going to justify it either.
Work tonight. Lots of homework tonight. Get over it, Brooke. It's just. life...
1 comment:
dearie.
it'll be alright. school will be alright. you'll get through bio, i know you will. it'll be tough but your tough, you'll make it through. and your future, it will be perfect. because god has got the most perfectest plan ever, and you'll absolutely love it. even if it is slightly(or maybe sometimes really) tough or unsure. it'll still be perfect for you.
and sidenote: stars! wow, 2 more days darling! can't wait.
ok, have a lovely time at work. i plan on hanging out at bryces but maybe i can come visit you.
ok, love you lots. and many prayers for you.
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