So:
A little bit of heart beating never did anyone wrong, did it?
Well, mine is. Fast. I just called the "wrong" number or so i assume, or um, hope. I got the awnser I knew I should have gotten for calling at that time. But: Honestly, I feel gross... and freaked out.
I never seem to get it right. I am always left with a feeling after something that I have not done my best, or I have not made the right decision, or...
Just this whole happiness thing. Like, I've been defeated. Like I couldn't do it on my own so... yeah. I am saying more then I should.
this week has been good, and I appreciate that fact. But i feel like I am not trying hard enough at this: Life. And it's like I am so afraid of making the wrong decision, that I put off making any decision. I just... I want to get next year right. I want to get this year right. I just... want to get everything right, you know?
My Mom says im a perfectionist. If i don't get things right the first time, then I give up. I think it's something like that. I've given up, because I couldn't get it right. But I need or needed to try again.
Sometimes it's harder getting up after we have fallen. But, there is a race to finish... one I need to finish as well. And i took the easy way out...
God's there. He'll help me.
I can do this.
1 comment:
Hey...
so I'm very excited for tomorrow. And my dad was wondering if we'd meet him for lunch tomorrow at costco, he'll buy, and then you can get your present for your mom there and i can return my watch and get a different one there. so does that work with you? phone me later, or i'll phone you. good night darling
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