To Escape.

After sanctification it is difficult to state what your aim in life is, because God has taken you up into his purpose by the Holy Ghost; he is using you now for purposes throughout the world as he used his son for the purpose of our salvation. If you seek great things for yourself- God has called me for this and that- you are putting a barrier to God's use of you. As long as you have personal interest in your own character, or any set ambition, you cannot get into identification with God's interests. You can only get there by losing forever any idea of yourself and by letting God take you right out into his purpose for the world, and because your goings are of the Lord, you can never understand your ways. {Oswald Chambers}

Was reading the devotions tonight, and I came across that all. I don't ask God enough what he wants. I tend to get carried away, and as much as dreaming is fun and awesome, do my dreams fit into his plan? I think God can use me in many great ways, can use anyone, whether it be a pro athlete or a teacher; etc. As long as we have faith in and trust in him to put us where he wants us to serve, something like that, anyway.
This has been a hard day. This has been a day where i'd rather not speak of anything, where I wish I could just escape, escape to something that is quiet and where I can be alone. I'm kind of a freak. I love being alone. I hope I don't push people away, because I know I am so capable of that. I wish to close my eyes and escape, yes. Escape to somewhere that it not so unreal that it has to be found through medication, or anything like that. Just escape. This has been a day where as much as I wish people would just leave me alone, I wish they wouldn't, you know? Like, maybe my crys are loud enough to be heard. by someone who cares and would just want to talk, although maybe I am not the best companion. Tomorrow will be better, or more so I like to think...
Thanks for reading.
Love.

listening: Shadowlands, Ryan Adams.

Don't…ohh (smash)
Please don't…ohh (I do, please, another one)
Don't…ohh (smash)Please don't…ohh (I do, please, another one)
You're gonna throw it all away, with no hesitation (Smash)