I don't really exactly know where I am anymore. It seems as if, I have not one moment to spare with all the stuff that I should be doing, but I waste away it (msn and this blog...). I feel a little closed in, suffocated in a mess items on my "to-do" list. I used to live for going out. Not anymore, this girl goes out once or twice a week maybe, and going out is feeling guilty for the extent of it of what i should be doing, and finds herself signed up for something as stupid as a dodgeball team, another item on a list that feels so... hard. Work is good, better then ever probably, and the grades at school are going well. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we run ourself to we cannot take it not anymore? And what makes us hit that wall and realize, where have I been? I really don't know where i've been, or what's really going on with me, until a doctor has to tell me what really is, going on. My biggest worry is still, next year. I have been applying for information like a crazy person for schools, and more schools and yet more schools. I get nerveracking phone interviews, and packages of information that I don't really "feel" I have the time to go through.
and where is God? I don't really know. I know i've pushed him aside on the priorties list, and that is eating away at me but yet I don't do much about it. How are we so.... lazy? I've been lazy. And im sick of it, im sick of procastinating assignments (cough, couch.... um, art!) and running myself dry in those last moments, and i am sick of feeling i have not enough time to go out with a friend for coffee, who needs me more and who I really need., make a simple call to my grandparnets to say a happy birthday, sit down and hang out with my siblings, sit down with some books and some Christmas music and... I just... i think i've lost myself?
So, underneath all those piles of things is God. I know he's still there, and I think maybe i'm going to go and try to clean that up right now.
Carefree is what we claim we want to be, free to live this life that we have found, and it is living when we our laying our lives down for someone not of ourself. I think it's time to close my eyes, forget this mess. Tried to fix this but how can I forget these things that I have never done?
3 comments:
Hello darling!
hang in there, you'll get through the crazy amount of things piled up, and at the end of it will be Christmas, where you can settle down and just enjoy what Christ has given us. But I know how you feel, I've kinda felt in over my head lately. But its gonna be alright. love you..
Hey. man.. I wish I could like. umm do all of your art for ever.r so you wouldnt have to worry about it. and I wish I could make things better :(... I hope today went a littlebetter than yesterday. You know my number brooke and you know you can call anytime if yo uwant to talk. like anytime even if it s like 3 in the morning. but yea are we still up for friday night?
Hi brooke. I've joined this 'walking partner' related website and wondered if you know of any other website which might help me to find a walking partner in my local area? Many thanks
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