i can't do this on my own.
and i am sick of thinking that i can. and trying too.
I don't ask God for his guidance enough. I realize that every day that I don't is a day wasted. Really and truely.
Walking this road alone has been my most stupid decision. and always will be.
Life has a way of throwing so many things at us. But to find purpose in these things is what means most.
I am not one to go into specifics. You know that all, already. But I will say this much: things just seem to get worse and worse... one thing after another: these days adleast. But... (!) i am okay. I am okay with this. I realize that he has a purpose for it all, and I am beginning to learn that. Maybe not learning that purpose, and maybe I never will, but.
I am at peace. promise.
the thing I will say i am not proud of learning is that, you cannot trust quite anyone. My walls have been put back up... and they will proabably continue to climb.
and I am hungry: for you love. and im starving for: better times. and I really don't get how this happened. i don't get it but i am okay: trust me. just remember that i don't think i can do this again. i don't think i can but i know i will. so: find comfort in that much. and maybe someday it will fly. maybe. Seasons change: they change when you don't seem to notice. All of a sudden, wind grows cold and the snowflakes start to fall. It's kind of like when I fell in love with you, I, didn't even notice, when you didn't love me anymore.
and that's it. I miss all my friends and I can't wait till this over. i really can't.
susie suh tonight for me. mostly "recognition" and. missing you. and... a walk outside. and dreaming of a train bridge stroll: thats it. some more hot chocolate (4th cup. :p) as well. but i have taken your hand,God. and I thank you for being there. always. i thank you for being okay. i thank you for christmas decorating with alex, and e-mails, and hero stories handset by curtis, and hot chocolate, and plans... i miss my deathcab, i really do.
good night. sleep tight, and all that other nice stuff....
2 comments:
Dear, I hope things get better for you. Trust is a hard thing love, something that is broken so easily, but walls are never good, and i wish i could make you smile.I wish for better days to come, and for God to show himself to you everyday, as long as you are looking.
Allison
Your welcome for the superhero story.. but u did really save my life there.
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