5:30 Thoughts

I am: Cold. And for some reason... tired. It's as if everytime I go to sleep, to dream, I am disapointed. As if sleeping isen't enough anymore. Like slowing down is necessary... I don't know. I hate the thought that I will have to go on medication to sleep, But i just don't know anymore. I lie in bed for so many hours, wishing that I would be asleep. But it dosen't happen. And then the next day is 10 times more hard.
I have decided that this blogging thing is rather pointless. I mean, who cares enough to read like 5 minutes of random thoughts about me and my bleak life? Oh well. It feels better. Like my journal does. But my journal hasen't been used much for thoughts lately. I hate getting behind with that thing... all that seems to come out of my head into that thing is poems. And, wow. I am not good at that... how i wish i was. Because, "realtiy is privy" and love is reality and .... ;etc
I went and worked for Rhonda todays, 1-5. It was a rather interesting shift, long and quite boring. I scrubbed pans for an hour, which reminded me of good old camp. Getting out of there to go the bank and the mail for faith cleared my head a little, the computer seemed to be acting dumb and the people that came in bothered me. Ha. Ivy let me go home early, so that was sweet. I am home now, yes.
I heard a country song todays... "Good Life" or something like that, by Brad Johnner. I don't know what it was called. But the lyrics were good. Of course, real simple like any other country song. But i don't know... it made me think a little more about what I have and the things that I want, and it's pointless. I have a good life. And still I complain. I don't get it. I don't get me, sometimes.
It's funny because someone I have come to realize who some of the people in my life are. Now. Or somewhat. I mean, you can never know a person of that kind of relationship to that kind of extent, but I think i'm getting it. and im glad, it made me realize some things about myself as well.
Aw. the girls are gone this weekend for volleyball, leaves me rather sorta lonely.. but not really. It's guy's company this weekend. Sabines tonight, Curtis Braun covering Jack Johnson. That's pretty sweet. Tomorrow I am taking the pictures, instead of todays. My family is in Edmonton, and my Mom just called to ask me what I wanted from Urban Outiftters.. that made me smile. Don't know about tomorrow... really. I am undecided. I'm not sure where to draw the line, I guess. Ha. that was vague. But that's just me.
So. I think that is all i can think of right now. Except, call me if you would like. That's all.

W hen they call your name
Will you walk right up
With a smile on your face
Or will you cower in fear
In your favorite sweater
With an old love letter
I wish you would
I wish you would
Come pick me up
Take me out
Steal my records
With a smile on your face
And then do it again
I wish you would
When youre walking downtown
Do you wish I was there
Do you wish it was me
With the windows clear and the mannequins eyes
Do they all look like mine
You know you could
I wish you would
Come pick me up
Take me out
Steal my records
With a smile on your face
And then do it again
I wish you would
I wish youd make up my bed
So I could make up my mind
Try it for sleeping instead
Maybe youll rest sometime
I wish I could...

- Ryan Adams, Come Pick Me Up