Big bottle of water. Empty stomach. Cold coffee. Too much cold coffee. Crave it. A couple of paragraphs that I cannot concentrate on. Close it. In the car. Red light. Close your eyes. Rest your head against the seat. Green light. Speed. Danger. Close your eyes a little. Snap them back open. Watch it spin before you. Without you.
Say the right things. Make the right move. Anything to feel less lonely.
Something to satisfy. A look in the mirror. Get rid of it. Over and over again.
Wake up. Spend too much time getting ready for the world. Be on time. Do your job. Look good doing it. Make a call. Meet expectations. Always left wondering if you met them. Say goodnight. Take your day off.
And lie in bed wondering what it is that your doing. What you have to call your own at the end of the day. What you have to put in place of an excuse for why. Why do you keep getting out of your bed in the morning?