So Simple In The Moonlight...

i don't know how i've gotten "out" of blogging on here. I don't know how i've gotten "out" of my thoughts. I've always been the one for emotion: true and raw... although I think the only person i've been fooling lately is myself. (I've got it bad.)
I was sitting on the bus todays, crouched down by the window with bright eyes "lua" on and my hood pulled right over my hair and I realized somewhat how pathetic i really am. I've kind of have been on fast forward alot lately, and convcing everyone that i am okay, that i am cool with the way things are. i've got it good. but i... me... has got it bad. (because what is so easy in the evening, in the morning is such a drag). every day... (and if you promise to stay conscious i will try to do the same.) promise.
and smiling... what is that? im trying.... oh so much. so much. I like life. I have lots. But i don't really... like it. why? and why are good days (like todays. monday didn't get me) but somehow... i always end up in: this.
and what is: this? i don't know. it's janurary. its november mostly. its feburary and sometimes march and april. and sometimes september and sometimes... its good at taking me over. its good at making everything else: numb. its good at making me very unattractive person. in all ways.
so if you guys are holding out for the truth now: then this is it... this is the way i am. i don't why, or how... its just: me. (im not sure what all this trouble is, that started all of this. The reasons all have run away, but the feeling never did)
to end this in maybe somewhat a happy note im posting pictures (if this thing lets me) of a beautiful sunrise i saw this morning (up above). oh so beautiful...
x.

(bright eyes- lua)